Leadership and Life Balance
How Do I Deal With a Coach Who Plays Favourites?
Rhema Adelaja · National Champion & 4x DUX
Coaches do have favourites, so start with what you control. Show up eager to learn, lift your teammates and put in extra work. After a few weeks, ask your coach what they want to see from you. If it still feels unfair or hurtful, ask a trusted adult for help.
The answer
- Start with an honest look at what the coach can see: your effort, your attitude and how reliable you are. Find the exact leak before you decide it is about you (her precision-over-pressure position, RL-VB-0008).
- Know that coaches have favourites. The coach quoted below says so plainly, and says a player's value is their total contribution to the team, not only how well they perform.
- Be the teammate who lifts others and is keen to learn. The same coach describes a player who is enthusiastic and does their role well.
- Put in extra work on a skill you find hard, for example extra repetitions after practice. Coaches notice it.
- Ask your coach a private, prepared question rather than staying silent. Use Fact, Feeling, Question (RL-VB-0012): "In the last three games I was not used. I feel unsure where I stand. What would you like to see from me?"
- Give it time. The coach quoted below says adjusting to a new team takes patience.
- If the treatment is unfair or hurtful, or you feel unsafe, ask a trusted adult for help. Asking for support is not weakness (RL-VB-0013).
For information only. This is general information for student-athletes, not medical, legal, financial or professional advice. Talk to a qualified professional about your own situation. Terms
Rules and amounts change. Check the official source before you act. Last checked: 17 October 2026.